Mailman

Watching friends suffer and not knowing how to help them get to the other side . . . I have weathered this pandemic quite well, all things considered, but as for others . . . I had no idea.

I need you all to hold on a little bit longer – I will find a way to reach out, to boost your spirits. I will figure something out. 

Friends do not let friends suffer alone.

Touching The Void

All of my morals have collapsed and I am in existential freefall. I am unsure of what comes next or how much further I have to fall. Every foothold I manage to find on the way down proves temporary in its respite, whereas the darkness into which I am currently descending is everlasting.

"You must determine where you are going in life," explains Dr. Jordan Peterson in his book 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, "because you cannot get there unless you move in that direction. Random wandering will not move you forward. It will instead frustrate and disappoint you and make you anxious and unhappy and hard to get along with (and then resentful, and then vengeful, and then worse.)"

This meaningless, monotonous, pathetic excuse for an existence is rotting me out. I feel as though I am merely inhabiting the skin of something masquerading itself as a living creature. Beneath the façade of warm flesh, however, festers the true hollowness of existence. Like maggots inhabiting a wound that refuses to heal, feeding off of my relentless pathos and internalizations of failure.

- August 22, 2019, 4:01 PM