Immigration

There is an irreconcilable difference between an individual who actively circumvents the laws of this country for personal gain, and an individual who stands side-by-side with us during a time of war. 

What have South American refugees done to earn their keep in the United States besides set foot on our shores? 

Afghan interpreters and their families have earned their place in this country by fighting and sweating and bleeding alongside American servicemembers during two decades of war.

The difference does not go unnoticed.

Heirloom

I could grow old by your side.

Rational Self-Analysis IV

"I like having something to push against; it gives me an avenue to dispel the nervous energy that consumes me. General David Petraeus referred to it as 'draining the vessel.' He was speaking about depression, but it works the same with anger, rage and hatred. That is why weightlifting is so important to me - it allows me to 'drain the vessel.' It gives me a level of controllable hardship to grind against. It helps to equalize me. And it helps build resiliency, the act of constantly being placed in uncomfortable situations, and pushing through them. Absent something to rally against, that energy becomes all-consuming. It redirects itself against me, and I tear myself apart with it. 

Polls like to harp on how Americans are so much more depressed and anxious as a result of the coronavirus pandemic. I can't relate. COVID-19 has given me something to push against, an enemy to vanquish, day after day after day. Depression, fatigue, and anxiety are dangerous luxuries to be avoided at all cost, and for the last year-and-a-half I have succeeded in keeping those luxuries at bay.

Since June of 2017, I have been training for something - physically, mentally, emotionally, financially - that I knew was coming but just couldn't see. The 35-day government shutdown of 2018-2019 was an excellent dress rehearsal; it showed me that I could handle it, that the steps taken to prepare myself had achieved the desired effect.

This pandemic has taught me something important about myself: I am the kind of person who operates best under hardship and duress. For that insight, I am grateful. You're stronger than you think, kid. Remember that."

Grinding Teeth

Kinship with no human, that most familiar of feelings.

Kabul

"I'm glad you never went to Afghanistan."

"Why is that?"

"Because your blood in the sand of that God-forsaken country wouldn't have changed a damn thing." 

Lyndee

I needed an out, and you gave it to me. 

It was the last time I ever saw you. 

I am grateful for the clean break . . . 

but it absolutely destroyed me.

Isabella (Chung Hoon)

I was on an aircraft carrier in the South China Sea when the video came in: you, your older sister, your best friend and your husband. You had a wedding ring on and a newborn baby in your arms. 

You seemed happy, radiant even. 

I had never desired children for myself, nor had I ever harbored any sentiment or longing for another person's child, but in that moment, awash in the infinite brilliance of the ocean as it slowly but steadily washed across the deck and over my feet, I caught myself thinking, "Damn, that could have been me, my wife and my child." 

In the end we tend to think of how it began, and of all the opportunities forfeited along the way. 

- June 24, 2021