Luna

I am sorry that I never gave you the best of me, because that is what you deserved.

Allow me the opportunity to admit that I fucked up.

Mailman

Watching friends suffer and not knowing how to help them get to the other side . . . I have weathered this pandemic quite well, all things considered, but as for others . . . I had no idea.

I need you all to hold on a little bit longer – I will find a way to reach out, to boost your spirits. I will figure something out. 

Friends do not let friends suffer alone.

Touching The Void

All of my morals have collapsed and I am in existential freefall. I am unsure of what comes next or how much further I have to fall. Every foothold I manage to find on the way down proves temporary in its respite, whereas the darkness into which I am currently descending is everlasting.

"You must determine where you are going in life," explains Dr. Jordan Peterson in his book 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, "because you cannot get there unless you move in that direction. Random wandering will not move you forward. It will instead frustrate and disappoint you and make you anxious and unhappy and hard to get along with (and then resentful, and then vengeful, and then worse.)"

This meaningless, monotonous, pathetic excuse for an existence is rotting me out. I feel as though I am merely inhabiting the skin of something masquerading itself as a living creature. Beneath the façade of warm flesh, however, festers the true hollowness of existence. Like maggots inhabiting a wound that refuses to heal, feeding off of my relentless pathos and internalizations of failure.

- August 22, 2019, 4:01 PM

Service (Antithesis)

It is easy to play the victim once you have abdicated all responsibility for your actions.

Structure Fire (Date Unknown)

The building was on fire.

You begged me to leave, pulling at my arm as you rushed for the exit, but my officers . . . 

I couldn't leave them behind.

The guilt . . . the guilt was too great . . . my life for theirs.

Have you ever wished to take someone else's place in death?       

Then you might understand where I'm coming from. 

Heather (In Love With An Aberration)

Thank you for dropping in, to impress upon me what might have been: long runs in the wilderness, kayaking excursions through mountainous river rapids, far-flung expeditions exploring long-forgotten and haunted locations.

You exist as an aberration in my mind, like the heat that rises through cracks in the pavement during long summer nights.

(I am quite certain you will appreciate the irony.)

I am not ready to give this up, I am just not sure of how to proceed . . . of how to impress you.

What is the next step when it comes to attempting to impress the girl you love?

Coronavirus In America - July 2, 2020

The experts told us that we would not see the full effect of the race riots / protests on COVID-19 cases in the U.S. until the end of June.

Today we posted over 50,000 new cases for the very first time.

Those same experts now predict 100,000 new cases a day in the very near future.

Do I believe that the race riots / protests that have gripped the country for the last four weeks are solely to blame? Absolutely not.

Do I believe that those same race riots / protests have had no impact at all? Let's not be naïve.

I hope what comes next was worth it.