Rational Self-Analysis IV

"I like having something to push against; it gives me an avenue to dispel the nervous energy that consumes me. General David Petraeus referred to it as 'draining the vessel.' He was speaking about depression, but it works the same with anger, rage and hatred. That is why weightlifting is so important to me - it allows me to 'drain the vessel.' It gives me a level of controllable hardship to grind against. It helps to equalize me. And it helps build resiliency, the act of constantly being placed in uncomfortable situations, and pushing through them. Absent something to rally against, that energy becomes all-consuming. It redirects itself against me, and I tear myself apart with it. 

Polls like to harp on how Americans are so much more depressed and anxious as a result of the coronavirus pandemic. I can't relate. COVID-19 has given me something to push against, an enemy to vanquish, day after day after day. Depression, fatigue, and anxiety are dangerous luxuries to be avoided at all cost, and for the last year-and-a-half I have succeeded in keeping those luxuries at bay.

Since June of 2017, I have been training for something - physically, mentally, emotionally, financially - that I knew was coming but just couldn't see. The 35-day government shutdown of 2018-2019 was an excellent dress rehearsal; it showed me that I could handle it, that the steps taken to prepare myself had achieved the desired effect.

This pandemic has taught me something important about myself: I am the kind of person who operates best under hardship and duress. For that insight, I am grateful. You're stronger than you think, kid. Remember that."